Dear Halloween, We're Not Ready Yet

For me, Halloween represents a number of things. First off, it is my favorite holiday. Secondly, I don't know why, because every single year for the past forever, I've had the same problem. I come up with one partially thought through idea that has great growth potential, but before I can even think it through ideas 2 through 297 simultaneously enter my brain. And it's not even like they enter in an orderly fashion. They all try to squeeze through the same damn door until eventually there's just so much energy that they're forced through. But they don't simmer down once they're in; they bounce around like a bunch of hyperactive children for the next 3 months. And then it's January. And then I choose a costume. But besides the fantasy of having a sensational costume, there is so much more to love about Halloween. For example, the candy, the treats, the decorations, das haunted haus, the TV specials, the pumpkin patch, the hay rides, the parties, and seeing dogs dressed as various meats and historical figures. But if you're like me, don't let the simple fact that you suffer from an undiagnosed undocumented condition called Adrenal Gland Hyperactivity Syndrome hold you down. You may have been unable to confirm an awesome costume with your brain thus far, but that doesn't mean you can't have the best Halloween costume ever. There's still time. Don't lose hope. Pinterest is here to help. Pinterest Saves Halloween

How Much is This "Degree" of Mine Reallyy Worth?

Recently, I got to thinking, and in my thinking I came to the conclusion that it's time I make more money. It's time that my skills are worth more than less than $10 an hour. Then it hit me: I'm graduating from college in two months. And what does that mean, my friends? That means that in the blink of an eye and the step of a foot across a stage and the placing of a rolled up piece of non-drug related paper in my hands, all of my skills and opinions will suddenly be worth significantly more than they were 17 seconds before when I did not have this official declaration of knowledge attained. And that, is an empowering realization. Because I know how this works. They say you need to earn a degree to get a good job, so you get one, then they tell you that you still aren't qualified for any positions at a real person company, so you just stare at them like what the fuck? It all makes a lot of sense, really. But I can't be upset, because at the very least, in the final semester of the last year of my four year term as undergrad, I have learned that my degree is worth a minimum of $3 more per hour at my current job. I calculated this value by using a very simple formula that involves thinking of an arbitrary number, and presenting it to your boss while simultaneously asserting your position as college graduate and heavily implying that denial of a pay increase will result in your suggesting a lower number. It's all politics. And since I'm bad at both lying and negotiating, I should go very far.

Body, Mind, and a Nice Behind

This is part of a new thing I'm doing where I post things more frequently. It's called being consistent, and I hope you like it. Recently over the past decade I've been getting really into body/mind peace. Hippie shit, but with bras, and a little less granola. I used to direct most of my fitness efforts towards physical fitness, getting a nice ass and what not, but at some point after dealing with (and putting myself through) years of anxiety and stress at the hands of my schizophrenic serotonin levels, I realized that the health of my mind is just as important as the health of my ass body. And since that realization, I have come to a beautiful place. And no, bitties, that place does not involve scenic views or ocean breezes. No breakfast in bed, or thoroughbred ponies. That place involves a few billion neurons, a hippopotathalamus, and some very squishy gray stuff. That place, bitties, is my brain. And guess what? You've got one too. Which means that you, too, have a 24/7 fast past to the happiest place on earth. And no, I am not high right now.

One technique that I'm slowly and not so surely getting into is yoga, and although it can be frustrating, unpleasant, and all around painful, it can also be very calming when you know your limits. For example, I am, and always will be, a yoga beginner. I don't want to lift a full grown man using only the strength of my big toe, I just want to touch my big toe without breaking my back. So imagine my joy when I happened to find this amazing bunny [morning] yoga sequence on Pinterest! It's perfect for beginners, it's a great way to stretch and reenergize after a workout, and all the moves are diagramed by a sassy bunny guru.