Things They Don't Teach You In School

With the end of my academic career quickly approaching, I've been forced to think about things that never seemed like real threats to my survival until this moment. For example, finding a real job, moving out of my parents' house, paying taxes, buying groceries, finding a reliable dog breeder, being able to purchase both cable and high speed internet at an affordable price, and whether or not I should invest in a landline, to name a few. And as would follow suit, these thoughts lead to questions such as, "WHY HAVEN'T I LEARNED ANYTHING USEFUL IN THE PAST 16 PLUS YEARS THAT I HAVE BEEN IN SCHOOL? end quote. This question has been steadily buzzing in the back of my mind since sophomore year of high school when I realized that I had been learning the same thing in different classes for the past 10 years, and has reached a fiery boil in recent weeks. We spend years stressing over tests and quizzes and homework and exams on topics that we forget 20 seconds or less after leaving the classroom, and are somehow expected to go on to become productive members of society. Well, I can't very well be a productive member of society if I have a degree in Animal Science but am currently burning down a row of townhomes because no one ever taught me how to properly broil asparagus, now can I? And if it's too much of a stretch to expect educators to spend just a few minutes a week educating students on basic skills such as broiling vegetables and putting out small kitchen fires, what about the hundred and twenty seven other things that could benefit us more than knowing how the American Revolution ended? (Britain still has a queen, so obviously they won.) How about teaching us how to file our own taxes correctly so that we don't have to pay someone to fix it for us when we screw it up? What about teaching us negotiating skills so that we can convince the friendly Jeep salesman that we deserve that brand new Wrangler for $22,050 instead of $33,000? Or how about actually teaching students to hablar español? Like with the slang and stuff. Don't get me wrong, school is great and I'm so grateful that I've been given the opportunity to go, but after a certain point it's like, okay, that's enough of the fluff. I'm teaching myself things now that I wish someone smarter than me had taught me in high school. For free. If you are one of the 4% whose education has left them feeling completely prepared for living productively, please comment with all details of your educational history including schools attended, as well as names and phone numbers of all teachers, advisors, and mentors. And to those, like myself, who need a little extra boost: godspeed. But guess what, even if you do wind up burning your neighbor's house down, you'll survive. And so will your neighbor.